Guardian, role model and provider – the role of fathers, with or without disabilities, do not differ. This Father’s Day, we caught up with father of three children, Mr Suhaimi Pa’in, to learn more about his fatherhood journey, triumphs, and lessons he hopes to impart to others.

Becoming a Father

Mr Suhaimi vividly remembers the happiness he felt when he found out he was going to become a father for the first time. However, he and his wife Mdm Rahmah Binte Yatin soon faced the reality that raising a child would be a unique experience for them, both of whom were diagnosed with polio since young.

Like all fathers, Mr Suhaimi felt the need to shoulder all, if not most, of the responsibilities in terms of raising their children. “As my wife is a stay-at-home mother, I often wondered whether I could cope with the responsibility of providing for three children. I decided that I needed to approach them with confidence and the belief that I could do it.” Mr Suhaimi recalls, “We knew we would face challenges that other parents might not, but we wanted to do our best to provide a loving and nurturing environment for our children.”

Growing Up

Throughout their children’s growing-up years, Mr Suhaimi and his wife emphasised the importance of empathy, understanding, and resilience. “Certain tasks require adaptations, but I did my best to stay involved in every aspect of their lives. It’s about finding creative solutions and not letting my disability become a barrier,” said Mr Suhaimi. He found ways to bond with his children through activities that were accessible to him, such as board games and educational projects. He also made sure to support their hobbies, showing them that his disability did not limit his love and involvement.

Their children grew up learning to appreciate diversity and take pride in their family.

Mr Suhaimi’s oldest son, Muhammad Sufian, has had to adapt to a different way of life. Sufian started receiving the NatSteel-SPD Education Programme Bursary Award in 2007 when he entered primary school, until he graduated from secondary school in 2015. The Bursary helped to alleviate the financial burdens of his family, and allowed Sufian to focus on his education.  

Sufian never let his father’s disability define his view of him. Instead, the 24-year-old loves hearing his father relate his adventures, such as when he scaled Mount Kinabalu or went kayaking in Batam. “The wheelchair did not prevent my father from moving around and we continued to travel as a family even though there were restrictions getting about, especially overseas.  We always found an alternative route together to get to our destination,” said Sufian proudly.

Navigating Tough Conversations

Children of parents with disabilities grow up facing different obstacles, from having to explain to their friends why their parents may look or act differently to certain situations, to adapting and sometimes sitting out on certain parent-child activities.

As his children grew older and became more aware of others’ opinions, discussing his disability with them was a delicate but necessary conversation. Mr Suhaimi understood that addressing the topic openly will help his children navigate any societal challenges. “I had discussions with them early on about how to adapt to situations when they are in public with their disabled parents. For example, I wanted them to react calmly when others stare at our family due to our conditions,” said Mr Suhaimi. He emphasised the need for his children to feel comfortable and confident, explaining that their family’s situation was unique but not something to be embarrassed about.

“I’m extremely proud of what my father has done throughout his life”

Sufian now works as an aerospace technician. He looks up to Mr Suhaimi and is grateful for having him as a role model. “My father has contributed a lot to the family, country and the disabled community. He defied many challenges despite his disability and I’m glad that I grew up with him as a father figure.” Sufian encourages others who have parents with disabilities not to see their lives as abnormal. “There will be different challenges along the way, but there is always a way to overcome them at the end of the day. Choose to see yourself as a gift to them and constantly remind them how proud you are of them.”

Mr Suhaimi’s story is a testament to the resilience and adaptability of parents with disabilities, showing that with confidence and creativity, they can overcome challenges and provide a loving environment for their children. His journey highlights the importance of community support, financial assistance, and the unwavering commitment to being the best parent he can be. He encourages other fathers with disabilities to think positively and to never underestimate themselves. “Our disabilities may inhibit us, but it will never stop us from being the best father we can be,” Mr Suhaimi shared when asked if he had any final words for other fathers with disabilities.

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We take this opportunity to celebrate the extraordinary efforts of all fathers and father figures, and wish them a Happy Father’s Day!