It was over two decades ago when Mr Lim Joo Phiau first met his stepfather Mr Kua Sim Choon. Once hesitant about the budding relationship between his mother and Mr Kua, Joo Phiau would never imagine that Mr Kua would soon become one of the most important person in his life. 

On the way back from driving his relatives home after his grandfather’s wake, Joo Phiau was on the road when his car skidded and crashed into a tree. The collision left the then 24-year-old in a coma. He woke up a month later, only to realise that life would no longer be the same for him.  

The traumatic brain injury that Joo Phiau had sustained was severe. Paralysed on the right side of his body, his speech and mobility were not the only things he lost. For a while, Joo Phiau had to live with memory loss as his recollections of the past and his loved ones were completely wiped out. 

For Joo Phiau, performing daily activities like bathing and walking became impossible overnight. Recognising that Joo Phiau needed someone to care for his needs, Mr Kua decided to quit his job as a construction worker.  

“My wife was crying every day back then. I knew I had to do something to help her. So, I told her ‘Let me take care of him. It’s fine even if we become penniless. We will take one day at a time’,” said Mr Kua in Mandarin. 

Without Mr Kua’s income, finances were tight as the family survived on his savings, earnings from Joo Phiau’s mother, and help from relatives.  

“It was a stressful time when I see the savings depleting. But I told myself not to overthink,” said Mr Kua, as the family turned to charities like SPD for assistance. 

Treating him like his own son 

Stepping up to care for Joo Phiau took some getting used to for Mr Kua who was already in his 50s then.  

“I help Joo Phiau in his feeding, showering and toileting, as well as doing exercises at home. It was challenging at first as Joo Phiau could not communicate clearly. But things are better now,” said Mr Kua. 

With time, Mr Kua learnt to identify and interpret his son’s body language adeptly. As Joo Phiau’s communication was limited to sounds or part words, it is still difficult for others to understand him.  

SPD’s assistive technology specialists stepped in to introduce Joo Phiau to an augmentative and alternative communication (AAC) application. Now, he could type out messages and communicate with his others via WhatsApp. This took the load off Mr Kua as he could understand Joo Phiau even better. 

“I’ll continue to care for him as long as I’m alive”. 

Twenty years have passed since Mr Kua took on the role to care for Joo Phiau. Though the process was not without its share of physical and mental exhaustion, Mr Kua continues to trudge on tirelessly.  

In fact, it was this daily care and interaction that cemented the bond between the father-son duo. 

“In the past, he had his reservations about me. But now, he would never go anywhere without me,” shared Mr Kua. “We are not biological father and son, but I have always treated him as if he is my own.” 

As age catches up, Mr Kua is feeling the physical strain of looking after his son. Despite having his own health problems to deal with, Mr Kua is still pressing on in his caregiving duties.  

To lessen the load on Mr Kua, Joo Phiau’s younger sister recently hired a helper to assist him in his caregiving duties and some household chores. The elderly father, however, has his concerns about what the future holds. 

“I’m already 71 this year. I don’t know how long more I can take care of him. It is my wish that he could regain his independence so that he can take care of himself,” he said.  

“But till that day comes, I’ll continue to take good care of him as long as I’m alive and capable.”  

From being there for Joo Phiau in his darkest days to providing round-the-clock care tirelessly, Mr Kua has shown that love can indeed transcend blood ties.  

We wish Mr Kua, all fathers and father figures out there a Happy Father’s Day! 

You can make a difference by making a donation to help families like Mr Kua and Joo Phiau to continue to access and benefit from SPD’s programmes and services. Find out more at https://www.giving.sg/spd/fathers_day_2023 today.

Cover photo credit: National Volunteer & Philanthropy Centre